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这是我的第一篇雅思练习作文,希望大家帮我修改,谢谢题目:8分万能作文第87页ThisbarchartillustratesthepercentageofpeoplewhogethighereducationinChinafrom1990to2004.Itisclearthattheproportionofthepe
更新时间:2024-04-26 08:12:39
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问题描述:

这是我的第一篇雅思练习作文,希望大家帮我修改,谢谢

题目:8分万能作文第87页

ThisbarchartillustratesthepercentageofpeoplewhogethighereducationinChinafrom1990to2004.Itisclearthattheproportionofthepeoplereceivinghighereducationisanupwardtrend.

Ascanbeseenfromthebargraphthattherewasaslightincreasefrom1990(about4%)to1994(approximately11%)inChinesehighereducationstudentnumbers.Thefiguredoubledinthenexttwoyearsarrivedtroughly22%in1996.Afterthat,substantialsurgeinthenumberofChinesestudentsenrolledinhighereducationamounttoapproximately10%betweentheyearsfrom1996to1998andto2000respectively.AndthenumberinChinaascendedprecipitouslyfromaround45%toabout65%duringtheperiodbetweentheyears2000and2002,andthestatisticincreaseslightly6tojustunder70%.

Therefore,itcanbeclearlyseenfromthebardiagramthatthenumbersinhighereducationinChinahasadramaticalrisebetween1990and2004.

希望大家能帮我评一个分数,多指出些错误,谢谢.

另外,我8月29日第一次雅思考试,在这一个月里应该怎样练习写作?希望大家能多给我一些好的建议.

宋焱回答:
  ThisbarchartillustratesthepercentageofpeoplewhoreceivehighleveleducationinChinafrom1990to2004.Clearly,theproportionofpeoplereceivingtertiaryeducationshowsanupwardtrend.(Itis....这种句型少用在IELTS还好如果是在sat的写作中或是国外大学的写作中这种句式会被视为redundantandvague但是有一些词是必须用的比如说Itisincumbentupon....,etc)   Accordingtothegraph,thenumberofstudentsenrolledinhighereducationslightlyincreasedfrom1990(about4%)to1994(approximately11%)inChina.Whatismore,thisfiguredoubledduringthenexttwoyears,arrivingatrougly22%.From1996onwards,substantialincreaseiisnoticedinthenumberofChinesestudentsstudiedintertiaryeducation,amountingtoapproximately10%(betweentheyearsfrom1996to1998andto2000respectively)括号中的话有问题因为没有图我不知道具体情况是什么样的但是语法上是肯定错的,confusing~.Inadiition,thenumberofChinesestudentswhotookhighleverleducationascendedprecipitouslyfrom45%65%between2000and2002,afigurewhichrosetoalmost70%.   Therefore,itcanbeclearlyseenfromthebardiagramthatthenumbersinhighereducationinChinahasadramaticalrisebetween1990and2004.(wordy....)   4.5
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